Driving limits

I’m not originally from the great rural state of South Dakota, though I’ve lived here for the past, gulp, 17 years. (Wow, has it been that long??) I spent my formative years in Boise, Idaho, and St. Louis, Missouri, so the whole agricultural/country living thing is still fairly alien to me in many ways.

Perhaps my biggest beef with living here is the legal driving age, which is 14. The license is restricted, but if they pass the tests, kids this age can drive by themselves between the hours of 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. While I get that kids this young sometimes need to be able to drive farm equipment, I see no good reason for the typical 14- or 15-year-old to be driving. Let’s face it — most teenagers are stupid. They think they’re invincible, they often like speed and they’re inexperienced. Bad combination of factors.

I realize each kid is different and parents have their own reasons for letting their young teenagers drive, including being able to drive themselves to and from school and sports practices. I can definitely see the appeal there, especially in a place where many of us have to drive a fair amount of miles to get to school.

Maybe I’ll change my mind when my daughters turn 14, but for now I’ve told them that there’s no way in this life that they’re getting a driver’s license until they’re 16. I know there are mature, responsible 14- and 15-year-olds out there, but in my opinion, and obviously it’s colored by not having grown up around here, driving is way too heavy of a burden and responsibility for someone that young. My kids definitely won’t be driving or riding in cars full of other teenagers either.

What do you think? Is 14 or 15 too young to drive? Why or why not?

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I was browsing through Tweets today for a bit when I ran across a link someone had posted to what was presumably a blog post. It was entitled, “Do you apologize to your kids?” I didn’t follow the link because I wanted to write my own thoughts on the subject without any other input.

My answer is yes, I do apologize to my kids. I’m sure there are plenty of parents out there who think that it shows weakness to tell their kids they’re sorry, but I believe it’s just the opposite. Parents need to worry less about appearing weak and more about being a good example for their kids. Decent, compassionate human beings apologize when they hurt someone or otherwise wrong them.

If I yell at my kids or lose my temper for no good reason, I apologize. I say, “Look, I’m sorry I yelled at you when I shouldn’t have. I’m feeling really crabby right now and everything is getting on my nerves, but that’s still no excuse to yell,” or something to that effect. In one short lesson I’m teaching them that A. it’s good and necessary to apologize when appropriate; B. even though we all feel irritable sometimes, that doesn’t give us the right to treat anyone with any less respect than they should be treated; and C. I’m human too and I mess up on occasion (well, more than that, but they don’t need to hear a list of all my transgressions).

I do not, however, apologize when I yell at them because they aren’t listening or when I discipline them because they chose to misbehave. Those things are just part of parenting and apologies aren’t necessary. I’m talking about saying I’m sorry because I acted in a way I wouldn’t approve of them acting. It may be easy to think, “Well, I’m the adult, I shouldn’t have to apologize,” but it’s not about us being the authority figures; again, it’s about us being good examples of how a person should behave. When we mess up, it’s our responsibility to teach our kids how to rectify the situation as much as possible.

How about you? Do you apologize to your kids?

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This post goes along with my nursing tank top giveaway in a strange way, I suppose. My friend Jenny Fink over at Blogging ‘Bout Boys talks about an article she read by a mom of boys on why she’s raising her boys free of typical gender stereotypes. What mystified Jenny, and me as well, is how many people jumped on the author of the article because she let her boys pretend to breastfeed their “babies.”

Perhaps I’m just supremely naive, but I never would have thought that this sort of playacting would cause such a reaction. These are portions of some of the comments that were left (thanks for letting me borrow these, Jenny):

“If my girls were pretending to nurse, it wouldn’t be so bad. After all, I nursed mine til they were a year. But, I would be offended if I saw my son ‘nursing’ a baby, I would not if he had a bottle (it can always be a bottle of ‘breast milk’). They don’t have the ‘equipment’ and I just don’t think it’s right. I think this kind of raising (in the article) may turn him into a ‘girly man’, and I hate that.”

“Of course a child acts out nursing. Because he saw you do it. He’s testing you to see your response. If you don’t guide them, and teach them, they will grow up as an animal in captivity and will be very sad when they hit the ‘real world’ and probably ill-equipped to cope.”

You know, I just have to say, I don’t see the big deal. Yes, kids act out what they see. Logan pretended to nurse his sisters’ dolls when he was younger (say, 2 or 3). He’s seen his aunts do it and he knows that’s how many babies get their food. So what if he doesn’t have the “right equipment?” To me, it just shows a nurturing, kind, sweet personality. Cody would never even think to pretend this way.

This seems similar to wanting to put on makeup while watching me do mine or wanting to play with dolls. Why would I purposely shame my sons for demonstrating care and compassion or a desire to be like their momma? I know someday Logan is going to make a wonderful father just by watching how carefully he takes care of his babies now (though he doesn’t “nurse” them anymore, as he has long since drawn the conclusion that only females can do that).

Just recently Andie got out one of her old dolls with all its accessories and got it ready to send to her little cousin. Logan found it first though and has since spent a long time taking care of his new-found child, making it meals, bathing it, changing its clothes. (Because evidently he doesn’t have enough babies with the 10 or so he’s already “adopted.”) I know this isn’t typical behavior for a boy, but I don’t care. Logan spontaneously tells me he loves me, hugs me as tightly as his little arms can grasp, is the empathetic, thoughtful, kind soul whose personality I wouldn’t trade for anything. Who am I to damage that part of him?

As for the “girly man” comment — I’d just like to say that we need many more “girly men” around! Men who really understand, respect and relate to women are far too few and I hope my boys grow up to be compassionate, nurturing, affectionate individuals. If that makes them “girly,” then so be it.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you think it’s wrong for boys to pretend to nurse or not a big deal? (Call me crazy, but it just seems like there are much more important things in life to worry about.)

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Have you entered my giveaway for a nursing tank top from Modest Middles? Take a second to leave a comment to win!

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Obviously I’m way past the stage of nursing babies, so the sample nursing tank top I received from Modest Middles went straight to my then-pregnant sister, who had her baby in mid-August. I was reluctant to give it to her at first because it was a size Large, and she’s a tiny, petite little thing, but I gave it to her anyway to try.

The results? She loves it! The sizes evidently run small since the Large fits her pretty well and she is close to her pre-pregnancy size. “I like the fact that you don’t have to grope with clasps on the tank top, not to mention with a bra” (the top sits underneath your bra), “and the most obvious plus is that you don’t have to bare your fat, stretched-out belly to everyone. I’d like to have one in every color!” she says. (The tanks come in black, white and nude.)

The best part about Modest Middles is that you can wear any pre-pregnancy shirt you like. Just put on your nursing bra, your Modest Middles tank top and your shirt. When it’s time to feed baby, the tank top will cover your back, sides and belly.

Modest Middles

FYI: This is NOT my sister

Designed by a fellow mom of four, Modest Middles turn any shirt into a nursing shirt so you don’t have to buy special nursing clothes. They’re made in the U.S.A. with stretchy modal and spandex. They make a great gift for a mom-to-be!

If you’d like to win a Modest Middles nursing tank top (value of $29.99) for yourself or someone you know, here’s how:

TO ENTER:

♣ Leave a comment. That’s it! Limit one comment per person, per day.

WAYS TO GET BONUS ENTRIES:

♣ Subscribe to my blog via RSS or email, then leave a comment letting me know.

♣ Tweet this giveaway and leave a comment with the link. (You can do this daily.) Optional phrasing for your Tweet: I’m entered to win a Modest Middles nursing tank top from @MomofTwinsPlus2. Check it out: http://tinyurl.com/yeq7a6k.

♣ Post on your blog with a link about the giveaway and leave a comment with a link to your post.

♣ Favorite me on Technorati (leave your username).

♣ Follow my blog on Networked Blogs and let me know.

♣ Become a fan of Parenting By Trial and Error on Facebook and let me know.

Giveaway ends at 11:59 Central Standard Time, Tuesday, November 17, 2009. Open to residents of the U.S. and Canada only. The winner will be chosen using random.org. Winner will have 24 hours to respond to notification with shipping info. If no response, another winner will be chosen.

Good luck!

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Back online…

After being without internet for most of last week, I’m happy to say that I’m finally back online.

Though I felt like I lost an appendage the entire 5 days (but who’s counting?), I also felt a tremendous sense of relief at the time I had freed up to do other things besides work. It also became abundantly clear to me where all my “free” time goes.

Now it’s back to our regularly scheduled program, starting tomorrow.

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My post from last February about homework in kindergarten has attracted such a large number of readers, I decided to revisit the subject.

This year I have another kindergartner and the homework that started to trickle in at the beginning of the year has been gaining speed by the week.

Last week, when I went on my writer’s conference/cruise, the kids went with their dad to visit their grandma in the hospital for a couple days, thereby missing school. I got home to find a huge pile of make-up homework for Logan. We’re still not done with it, a week later!

I’m beyond frustrated. Logan, being a completely different kid than Cody, is a perfectionist when it comes to his work. Everything takes him 5 times as long to do as it took Cody. For instance, he had to color a few animals in a picture. Instead of just scribbling one color like many other 5-year-olds do, he had to painstakingly draw colored stripes in each animal. He wanted it to be “pretty so my teacher will really like it.”

The 1 hour+ picture

The 1 hour+ picture

Completion time: over an hour. Yes, seriously. I was sitting there watching the whole process, so I know he wasn’t messing around.

Tonight he had to create a “Word Monster.” He chose to use a cereal box for this project, cutting the top into little strips for hair and adding multiple bee stickers, and it took him approximately two hours to complete.

Word Monster

Word Monster

It even has a “backbone, so he can be straight,” explained a proud Logan.

The backbone

The backbone

Sigh.

This is going to be a long, long year.

What is a parent to do? We all know that if I protest the homework, even silently like I did last year with Cody, I’m going to be viewed as a bad, uninvolved parent. At the same time, I’ve already got way too much on my plate and frankly, I don’t have time (or patience) for this sort of homework.

I said it before and I’ll keep saying it: Beyond reading, I don’t think any kid this young should have homework. He’s already gone every day from 7:30 to nearly 4:30. Having to come home and do homework on top of that, when bed time is at 8:00, doesn’t give him a lot of time for kid stuff. At the rate he works, it barely gives him time to eat and bathe, let alone play.

Yes, I understand teachers have to meet certain requirements with their students, I really do. In this situation, though, I think it’s the teacher (who I like very much, incidentally — she does a great job) more than test scores. Case in point: My first grader does not have anywhere close to the amount of homework that my kindergartner does and this was particularly noticeable when the kids missed school.

I’m curious what others have done or would do in this situation. I adore feedback and comments, so please share!

In fact, I love comments so much, I’m going to send a little something to the author of my favorite comment for the month of November, so post to your heart’s content.

Have you dealt with the homework dilemma? What are your thoughts on homework in kindergarten?

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I never would have thought that I would need a vacation after my vacation, but judging by the amount of time I’ve been sleeping since I returned, this seems to be the case. It’s as if I didn’t sleep at all while I was gone.

I’ve talked about my night owl tendencies before. I lean so far that direction, if I get to bed by 1:00, I figure I’m turning in early. I know, crazy, right?

After spending almost the entire day yesterday in town (yes, it’s all very “Little House On the Prairie”), I put my groceries away, tucked the kids into their beds, and barely had enough energy to put my pajamas on, thinking I’d read for a bit. This was 10:00 p.m., ridiculously early by my standards. I needed to take my contacts out and brush my teeth, but I was so tired, I thought, “I’ll just shut my eyes for a minute and then go do it.”

I awoke at 7 this morning when Logan burst in, excited that the kids had the day off from school and thereby unable to sleep any longer. My contacts were glued to my eyeballs and I had a nasty taste in my mouth, but do you think I got up, after 9 hours of sleep? NO. I kept on sleeping, interrupted periodically by bickering kids, loud play, questions, etc. All told, I didn’t drag my sorry carcass out of bed until just before 11 a.m.

What is the matter with me? Who needs that much sleep? I just had a business trip/vacation, for Pete’s sake.

Guess I’ll just have to try to stop feeling guilty and figure that I must have needed it, for whatever reason.

Have you ever needed a vacation after your vacation? Or just needed far more sleep than you ever thought you would need?

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The Secrets of Happy Families

Congratulations to

Gianna Kranenberg of Cambridge, MN, for winning the Secrets of Happy Families giveaway.

Baking Kids Love

Congratulations also to

Sandra Lopez of El Paso, TX, on winning the Baking Kids Love cookbook giveaway.

Thanks to all who entered!

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I’m baaaack…

What a great trip! Not only did I get to personally meet and hang out with some of the poor chaps who listen to me on a daily basis at Freelance Success, I soaked up some much-needed sun, had a breather, and listened to some great how-to sessions. Thank you to everyone who participated in making the conference/cruise a success.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

But before we do that, I want to share with you one of my favorite pictures from the trip. Hopefully it inspires the same serenity and calm in you that it did for me.

The Bahamas, 10-24-09

Cable Beach, Nassau, Bahamas, 10-24-09

(Yes, the water really IS that blue…)

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The new sign gracing Cody’s bedroom door:

No Girls Allowed smaller

“No girls allowed??!!” I said indignantly when he showed it to me.

“Well, that doesn’t mean YOU, Mom,” he said.

I’m not sure whether to feel privileged that I’m given special clearance to his room or insulted that he evidently doesn’t count me as a girl.

Do your kids make signs for their bedroom doors?

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