…but life has just basically gotten in the way. It has a tendency to do that on occasion, leaving a person feeling stripped, empty and devoid of energy or gumption of any sort.

I took the kids to say goodbye to their grandma tonight. She is basically asleep most of the time and can’t talk or see anymore, though she did squeeze people’s hands in recognition here and there. Her kidneys have shut down, so it is just a matter of a small amount of time now. It was heartbreaking to see her lying there, so lifeless and fragile, but the upside is that we will all be glad to see her out of whatever suffering she may be going through.

My three older kids spent the majority of the time sitting next to her on the bed, holding her hand, crying and telling her what a great grandma she is and how much they love her. Logan brought his Leapster along, so he was entertained enough during the visit. He understands, as well as an almost-six-year-old can, that she is going to die soon and some days it saddens him greatly, but he seemed more frightened of her tonight than anything. She certainly didn’t look like the grandma he remembers. He did hold her hand for a bit and whispered, “Grandma, it’s Logan,” in her ear.

I can barely wrap my mind around the emptiness her loss is going to leave. While it’s comforting to know that she’ll be in a better place, adjusting to life without her is going to be incredibly difficult. It’s amazing how far-reaching the circles of one person’s life stretch, how many people that life touches and how unaware we are of just exactly its impact until it’s gone.

I suspect that it’s the little things that will inspire the most tears as we adjust: Family gatherings without her family-famous crispy chicken strips, never-to-be-replicated taco meat and the constant sight of her in the background, walking around with one of her infant grandchildren while the rest of us eat; the way she made everything around her peaceful and serene; her teeny, carefully-tended summer strawberries that exploded in juicy sweetness beyond description in one’s mouth; how she pushed her grandchildren in the swings for hours in the backyard, singing songs to them; the generosity and sweetness of spirit she showed to everyone she met; the way her house always felt like a second home, with space, love and necessities in abundance.

I feel so blessed to have known her for all the years I did, to have the many memories I do and most importantly, to have had modeled so well the way a woman should be in spirit and demeanor. I said it before, but it must be said again: This world will be a much sadder, emptier place without her.

Go in peace and love, Carmen.

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The owl

Logan drew this at school:

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My blog seems to have rearranged itself, probably after the recent update I did to the current version of WordPress. Grrr.

So now I have yet another thing to add to my already impossibly long to-do list: Figure out how to fix it.

In the meantime, please excuse the weirdness on the home page until I get it figured out.

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I received the following question from reader MCmomof3:

Does anyone have any advice for how to handle our sore-loser son? I keep thinking he’ll grow out of it, but this kid cannot handle losing or even getting behind. He comes from two go-getter parents who don’t give up until they’re beaten, so this is very foreign to me. John is the youngest of three kids. He’s our most emotional child, yet he also makes us laugh the most.

Recently, we took him to a high school basketball game and our team was down my 7 points in the first quarter. John started talking about going home because we were going to lose. “John, it’s way early in the game, anything can happen, don’t give up so easy,” were the kinds of things we said. Our team ended up winning by about 5 points and it was an exciting game. I knew that was a good lesson for John, but I still don’t see any long term signs of changing.

When we play board games and he gets behind, it’s the same thing. He wants to quit. He’s played Stratego with his siblings about ten times and lost every time. I guess that says something for his ability to keep trying, but I sometimes feel like he’s setting himself up for disaster. I’ve reminded him that that game is for ages ten and up and maybe he’s just not ready. So, is poor sportsmanship and a negative outlook part of growing up or something that should be addressed if it continues? I have not yet sought advice about this matter as the husband doesn’t consider it a “matter” at all.

Thanks!

MCmomof3

Dear MCmomof3,

I have a sore-loser son myself, so I know where you’re coming from. It’s very frustrating to watch him get so upset about losing that no one wants to play games with him as a result. I remind him every time that games are supposed to be fun and that he will win eventually, as well as point out that no one wants to play with him because he acts like that. I’ve even demonstrated to him what he sounds like, which usually elicits a sheepish smile. He has gotten better as he gets older, so I think the main key to curing poor sportsmanship is time.

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to encourage him not to quit or be a sore loser. As long as you’re consistently giving him that message, I think he will come around as he gets older. Eventually kids figure out that not only do their siblings not want to play with them, but none of their friends do either, when they act like that.

What do you think? Do you have advice for MCmomof3?
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Carmen, who is, amazingly, still with us, holding Ally, her newest granddaughter, just hours after her birth a few weeks ago. Both were patients in the hospital at the time, but for totally opposite reasons.

The Circle of Life: Carmen & Baby Ally

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Yesterday my kids surprised me with a cake. I mean, really surprised. Normally I catch on to their attempts to spring something on me, but this time, it went totally over my head.

“Logan wants cake. Do we have any cake mix?” Andie asked me yesterday afternoon, after they’d all come in from playing outside in the snow. This was not a surprise as Logan is notorious for his sweet tooth, which is active pretty much 24/7. I helped them find it, then got down a few different cans of frosting for them to choose from. I did note that all four of them seemed to be involved in the process, which was a little strange, but still nothing connected in my brain.

When I told them later not to use the blue decorative frosting they had dug out of the depths of the cupboard because I wanted to save it for Logan’s birthday cake and Andie argued with me, asking if I couldn’t just buy some more, I still didn’t catch on, despite the fact that Andie hardly ever argues about something that minor. Even when they were frosting the cake and told me not to look at it, I figured they were just making it pretty for Valentine’s Day and didn’t want me to see it until it was finished.

So, I was taken completely off guard when they brought the cake to the table and I realized that it said, “Valentines Best Mom.”

I was moved, to say the least, especially because I was not particularly enjoying this Valentine’s Day. The little note stuck into the back with a toothpick said,

Dear Mom,
You are the best mom
in the world & deserve all
the love in the world. We
love you!! Cody, Logan, Rachel,
Andie

Trust my awesome and amazing kids to make this Valentine’s Day one of the best I’ve ever had.

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Kid grief

Carmen, the kids’ grandma, is still with us. Being able to spend these extra days with her has been priceless; however, in some ways, it’s almost as if she is already gone because it seems like I’m often comforting one of my children as they cry for the loss of their grandma. Their grief manifests itself in different ways, from extra crankiness to floods of tears to being unable to get to sleep at bedtime (I can relate to that one!).

Last night was one such night as poor Andie came into my office an hour after she’d been sent to bed, clutching the blankie her grandma gave her. “I can’t sleep,” she said, giving me a look bordering on panic. I offered the usual solutions (counting sheep, reading, thinking about something she’d like to do) before I finally realized what the real problem was.

“Come here,” I said, embracing her tightly. As soon as she put her arms around me, she started sobbing. I pulled her onto my lap and rocked her, feeling like it was 11 years earlier and she was the baby I had so tenderly comforted back then.

“A piece of my heart is going to be empty when she’s gone,” she finally managed, through her sobs.

I think that pretty much sums it up for all of us.

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As an extremely protective parent who won’t let her tweens have Facebook accounts, I was thrilled to receive information and samples on My Secret Circle, a secure social networking world for girls. We received the BFF pack, which contains two access keys. Andie gave one to her best friend and they have been having a blast instant messaging each other.

What I love the most about My Secret Circle is that girls can only be online with their own friends. Obviously the drawback to this is that anyone who wants to be included in this social networking world must purchase an access key, but with the dangers out there in the social networking world for young girls, I think the relatively low cost is totally worth it for those under the age of 13, especially because there are no further costs involved.

Andie and her friend are fans. Not only can they chat, they can share pictures and play games too. Andie really likes the Journal feature as well, since she’s a journal-er. I love that I don’t have to feel too bad about saying no to Facebook; I just wish more parents would say no to Facebook and MySpace for their tweens and yes to this alternative instead.

THE PRIZE:

A My Secret Circle BFF Pack. From the website:

Unlock your secret circle! A key for you and your best friend too!

Stay connected with your friends online with My Secret Circle BBF Pack™! With the BFF pack you get to select your very first circle friend! Online Access Keys unlocks the ability to Journal, Instant Message, Play Games and share photos with your Secret Circle!

No subscriptions or additional fees required.

TO ENTER:

♣ Leave a comment on my blog. That’s it! Limit one comment per person, per day.

WANT BONUS ENTRIES?

♣ Subscribe to my blog via RSS or email, then leave a comment letting me know.

♣ Tweet this giveaway and leave a comment with the link. (You can do this daily.) Optional phrasing for your Tweet: I’m entered to win a secure social networking pack from @MomofTwinsPlus2. Check it out: http://tinyurl.com/yfd27pq.

♣ Post on your blog with a link about the giveaway and leave a comment with a link to your post.

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PLEASE READ: Giveaway ends at 11:59 p.m. Central Standard Time, Friday, February 19, 2010. Any comments left after this time will be deleted. Open to residents of the U.S. only. The winner will be chosen by using random.org. Winner will have 24 hours to respond to notification with shipping info. If no response, another winner will be chosen.

GOOD LUCK!

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We’re taking the kids up to the hospital shortly to see their grandma again. I’m not positive, but this might be the last time we see her. I’m full of sadness for all of us who will be left behind. Yes, Carmen will be in a better place, and I’m happy for her in that respect, but her loss will leave a gaping hole in our lives. It will take all kinds of adjustment.

In accordance with my mood and the situation, it’s a dreary, cloudy, cold day outside, with a winter weather advisory in effect. Perfect. The trees are crystallized with frost, beautiful and forlorn.

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Color me a proud auntie!

My baby sister (OK, so she’s 30, not exactly a baby anymore) stumbled across the following in my 3-year-old nephew’s room today:

“STOP” has long been Brendan’s favorite word to write. He first wrote it, out of nowhere with absolutely no prompting, when he was 2, complete with the octagon-shaped sign. We were all quite impressed.

He’s evidently going to keep on wowing us with his creativity and imagination as he grows. I mean, come on . . . I can’t write/draw even close to that well, nor would it have ever occurred to me to attempt to create letters like that. Ever. I guess this is yet another illustration of how differently we are all wired.

I’m as excited about Brendan’s artistic abilities as I was when Logan put all the tiny pieces into a Perfection game at the age of 2, much more quickly than I ever could. Some of those shapes are so similar, it’s hard to tell what goes where. He’s going to be an engineer! I congratulated myself.

Yes, I am supremely untalented at many things, as you may have gathered from this post, which, I suppose, makes me easily impressed by that which I cannot do. Having said that, it’s so cool to see a kid’s personality and talents emerge, especially when they’re vastly different from your own.

Does your child have a special talent or gift? Let’s hear about it!

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