I’m not going to lie and say that I love every moment of being a mom. Maybe that makes me a bad parent in some people’s eyes, but I think if she’s being honest with herself, almost every mom would agree with me, even if only secretly.

Having kids does not necessarily equate happiness. Most of us have the drive to reproduce, but that’s purely biological. Those of us who are lucky discover an innate capacity to love like we never thought possible when it comes to our children, but let’s face it — parenting is hard, grueling, often unrewarding and, at times, miserable, work.

Sometimes I miss the days of complete freedom when I could do what I wanted, when I wanted (don’t we all?). Days so long ago that they appear in my mind in a sort of hazy fog, complete with a ray of light shining on a vision of me relaxed on the couch, leisurely reading a book, the “Hallelujah Chorus” ringing in the background.

What I miss the most about the days BC (Before Children) is sleeping in, guilt-free and uninterrupted, on weekends. My kids are getting old enough that I can and do sleep in sometimes, but I always feel guilty afterward. The guilt is probably somewhat unnecessary because I’m totally available to them, leaving my door open so they can come in and out with questions, have me open something or even come chat with me.

On days when the kids are all home and they get crabby and snippy with each other, by the time I’ve heard the 124th incident of tattling, tried with gritted teeth to tune out the incessant bickering and refereed multiple fights, I escape for a brief moment into my distant memories of those days of yesteryear, when little, high-pitched voices calling my name over and over in an irritating singsong tone and small hands tugging at me were non-existent. A time when long bubble baths, using the bathroom uninterrupted and more than a few seconds of complete silence weren’t luxuries. As when I think back to childhood, I wonder why I didn’t enjoy those days more.

That said, I wouldn’t trade my kids for any of that, despite my occasional longings. When I see the girls hug and kiss each other good night and say, “Love you,” I’m filled with happiness that they do, indeed, love each other. When Logan says he wants to marry me and Cody cuddles up to me and says I’m the best mom in the world, I’m awed by the unconditional love they have for me. Having kids brings me indescribable happiness when I can hear all four of them in another room playing together and actually getting along, treating each other respectfully and kindly. My heart just swells.

They won’t be kids forever. It’s a relatively short bit of time. Before I know what happened, I’ll have all the quiet time, sleeping-in ability and uninterrupted showers and bathroom breaks that I want. And then I’ll probably remember the tattling, fighting and mischief-making fondly.

What do you miss the most about your life BC?

Tags: children, family, kids, mom, parent, parenting