I figured out early that once I got through the zombie-inducing months of nighttime feedings, having twins was actually easier than having just one baby. It sounds crazy and I never would have thought so, but it’s surprisingly true. I watched my sister several years later dealing with an only child who seemed far more tied to her every movement and activity than my independent twins ever were with me. I was never asked to play with or entertain the girls. There was no question of that; they had each other.
After the births of Cody and Logan, who are 18 months apart, I firmly believe that with the exception of the newborn phase, having two kids fairly close together is quite a bit harder than two at once, at least in the beginning. With twins, they’re in the same stages all the time so you don’t have situations going on such as the older child on a mission to destroy everything in his path while he knows you’re trying to feed the baby.
When Cody, still a baby by all definitions, first met Logan, he was keenly unimpressed. His first greeting? He climbed up on the couch where I was sitting with Baby Logan and attempted to head-butt him off of my lap. The next several months were very difficult, between Cody’s misguided attempts to get my attention and trying to tend to Logan’s needs. Multiple times a day, I remember silently blessing moms with children so close together.
Of course none of that matters much once they get past a certain age. Now that my kids are all getting older (<<sad sigh>>), those age relationships don’t mean a whole lot and in fact, I’m grateful for them. I couldn’t have special-ordered the kids’ birth orders any better. The girls have been together their entire lives (and even still, at the age of nearly 11, quite often sleep together) and the boys are so close in age, they have just about everything in common and they spend the majority of their time with each other as well.
My mom always told my sisters and me that we should be especially nice to each other because we’d be friends for life, advice at which we rolled our eyes, of course, but she was right. I now count my two sisters as my best friends.
I feel incredibly blessed when I look at my two groups of kids, best friends and playmates. Their relationships will last for a lifetime.
What sorts of relationships do your kids have with each other?
I try not to say it out loud too often, but there are indeed ways in which it’s almost easier having twins for those exact reasons. I actually said that to my husband yesterday. It means I’m not constantly feeling like I have to entertain them myself, because they entertain each other! Obviously, of course, they also fight and all of that. And sometimes (when my daughter gets up from nap significantly before her brother) we marvel at how much easier it would be with just one kid. But the twin thing definitely has its perks…
Now, of course, there’s the debate: do we have any more??
My two boys are 19 months apart, and in the early days that was just too close! As you found out — it is just plain hard dealing with a baby when your older child is also still a baby. There were many times when both kids would be crying, both wanting/needing my undivided attention, and I would be so overwhelmed, I’d just sit there and cry with them, too. But now (my younger son turns 3 this month!), they play so well together, and entertain each other, that I actually don’t like it when one of them takes a nap and the other doesn’t — because that means that I will need to entertain him.
My MIL had a set of twins, then six years later “Irish twins” (they’re 11 months apart), and she said that the twins were definitely easier than the younger set, because of a lot less sibling rivalry (they always had each other), and they were doing the same thing at the same time.
Yes, the twin relationship is definitely a love/hate one, even more so than other sibling relationships. It’s very interesting to watch as they grow up.
Oh boy, let me tell you — when I had my son (the girls were 4), I couldn’t *believe* how easy it was. It made me a bit sad because I was able to bond with him so much faster and enjoy him more since there was only him to attend to (as far as baby needs, that is). It was without a doubt one of the best experiences of my life.
If you do decide to have more, I recommend waiting until your twins are at least 3. That way they can help out and won’t be so young that you’re running your tail off trying to keep up with a bunch of very small children.
The only warning I have for you, which may not apply as much to your situation since you have boy/girl twins: Once you have that third one, you might feel a strong urge to have a fourth so that the third one isn’t completely by him/herself due to the twin thing. For us, that feeling was strengthened due to the fact that not only was our son 4 years younger, being a boy would have made it even more difficult for him to fit into the twins’ world.
Twins definitely change the whole dynamic of a family, that’s for sure! I wanted two kids until I had twins. Once I had them, I hated the thought of all my kids being out of the house at once, so I wanted another. Etc.
Good luck with your decision!
Sarah
Kathy,
Yes, absolutely the two different stages are harder! I remember crying along with the kids too.
I had to laugh because I so hear you about it being tough when one of them is otherwise occupied, forcing you to be the source of entertainment. That’s what happened with Logan this year because Cody is off at kindergarten all day, every day. It’s an odd experience for me.
Thanks for weighing in!
Sarah
I’m an only child so sibling relationships are somewhat of a mystery to me. I have two kids 6 yrs apart so they are in vastly different stages, which can be a challenge, although my oldest was so much older that at least she had reached the age of reason by the time the little one was born!
I’m along with you on the blogathon and will be checking back regularly.
Only children fascinate me. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not have any siblings. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have one child since I had two immediately!
I’ll be checking in on your blog too!
Sarah