One of my closest friends was in a horrible accident with all four of her kids nearly two years ago. Her youngest, just a couple weeks shy of his 6th birthday, didn’t make it. Thankfully, the rest of them did. Considering they were in a mini-van that was hit by a semi going around 65-70 mph, it was truly a miracle.
Cody went to preschool with Jacob and because our families are friends, knew him fairly well. He was quite upset when he found out that Jacob had passed away. I guess it hit a little too close to home for him, just as it did for me.
Up until recently he referred to Jacob’s passing on occasion, peppering me with questions, and expressing a deep fear of death, particularly the burial part. He summed up his thoughts on dying one day last fall.
“Mom, I wish I could be a candle so I won’t have to die.”
That’s the last I’ve heard from him about the subject.
Have your kids experienced the death of a close friend or family member? How did they express their grief and fear?
Last fall my brother called me at 8am. ‘Mom is on the floor and she is not responding.’
This is German Lutheran speak for mom is mortal danger. I grabbed a few changes of clothes and a dark suit and jumped in the car. My mom died of a heart attack that morning. I’m not sure if I have recovered yet or will ever recover. Some days I still feel like the whole event is a dream…I have not waken from it.
I have two incredible daughters. They visit me twice a month. My oldest still mentions her grandma. When she says this, she must see the emotions in my eyes because she comforts me. I really do not know how this is possible. She is almost four and she gets it. She says, awe, and gives me a big hug.
‘I miss her too dad,’ she says.
As a human and a parent how can that moment wreck you? How can we keep a straight face, a strong front for our children after moments like this? Sometimes I keep a straight and strong face while other times I break down. The ironic part is that I think my girls love me more or respond more when I show my emotions rather than act strong.
–Dan
It’s never easy for young children to cope with death, but somehow they cope better than adults.
My daughter occasionally speaks of her older brother, whom she never met since he died at 2 weeks old. She says things like, ‘I can’t wait to play with Joshua in heaven.’ Or, ‘I know Joshua is praying for me. I love him.’
Death is final, but hope springs eternal that one day, we’ll meet our loved ones again.
Kelly, I’m so sorry about your son. I can’t even imagine how difficult that must have been and still is.
Kids are amazing, you’re right. Your daughter has an intuition about her brother that probably gives you chills sometimes. The things she says about him are infinitely precious.
Thank you for sharing.
My dad’s mother died when I was about a year or two old. I don’t remember her at all, except for her funeral. I remember my dad carrying me and my uncle walking beside us. When we got to the end of the aisle, they were both crying. Everyone was. I saw her, and wondered why she was sleeping in “that funny box”. I guess, even then, I must have known that was an important event. My only other memory from that age is seeing my best friend sitting on the tire swing at the park, and her dad giving me some bubble gum at my 2nd birthday party. How weird is that?
I don’t remember being sad when she died, but now when I remember it, I’m a little sad that I didn’t get to know her better, and a little creeped out that I even remember it.