I used to get so annoyed with my mom when I was a kid for treating my youngest sister like her baby long after she was one. Mom was always fawning over her, calling her cutesie names I’d never heard her toss in my direction and letting her get away with much more than my other sister and I were allowed. Once we two older ones moved out of the house, Mom would buy my remaining sister little gifts when she came home from town, something she never did for us when we lived there. To be fair, she probably didn’t have the money to do so until we moved out.
Truth be told, I was jealous of their relationship. I didn’t understand how Mom could be so cuddly and sweet with Trina while doling out my chore list. It seemed grossly unfair that she favored Trina just because she was the youngest.
But, as is true with most parenting-related matters, I now understand what was going on there. It wasn’t that she favored Trina, at least I don’t think she did, it’s just that moms have a special connection with the baby of the family, particularly when they know he/she is definitely the last child. Mom knew Trina was her last.
I knew Logan was my last as well and I’m the same way with him. I cuddle and hold him far more than the others. It’s almost embarrassing to admit, but even though he’s 5, I still carry him up and down the stairs if he wants me to. I help him get dressed and brush his teeth as well. It’s not that he needs help, and I don’t always do it, but I know it won’t be long before he won’t want me to do any of these things and I’ll miss those days. I plan to enjoy them as long as I can.
It doesn’t mean I favor him. I love all my kids equally, but (full disclosure here) I like certain ones more on some days than others. I just feel a strong bond with Logan that’s different from what I feel with the other kids. It’s not more powerful or better, my bond with each child is unique in its own way.
Sometimes when I’m holding Logan I catch a glimpse of the two of us in the mirror and I’m shocked to see that his legs are hanging past my knees, but he’s still my baby. I’m betting that even when he’s taller than me and getting married and having children of his own I will still feel the same way.
It’s cliché, but they just grow up too fast, don’t they?
Do you have a special bond with your “baby?”
Yes, I am babying my younger son more than I did my older son at the same age. Before I got pregnant the second time, I read something somebody wrote, that your first-born doesn’t become your “older child” when you give birth to your second, but rather when you become pregnant. It’s true. I started unconsciously, subconsciously, or intentionally urging my older son towards more independence, and I haven’t done this with my younger son (who is about to turn 3). I’m starting to get the “baby urge” again, and as I think of it, I get the same mental attitude towards my younger son that I got towards my older son when he was 10 m/o. Of course, my younger son is a lot more independent and mature (at the age of three) than my older son was (at less than a year), but I can feel myself doing it just the same. I think it’s actually a good thing for me to do, because I have been letting the baby stage “linger” in some not so good ways. Plus, my nephew who is between my two kids in age is my sister’s youngest and last child (vasectomy) and she has been babying him somethin’ fierce!
I’m also the baby of my family, so I sympathize more with my younger son when he is being teased by my older son. And my husband is one of first-born twins, so he very much sympathizes with our older son!
Kathy, that’s probably good that you and your husband are at opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of birth order. Good for your kids, at any rate!
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one. You’re right — the older child becomes “the older child” when you’re pregnant. I remember when my girls were 3 going on 4 and I was pregnant with Cody, I always carried them upstairs to bed. But once I got big enough that it was uncomfortable, I forced them to walk up themselves. I felt bad about it, for some reason.
Now, Cody is 6 (and a fairly big boy for his age) and I usually carry him downstairs on school mornings because he’s so sleepy and out-of-it. I carry Logan too (separately), but only because he likes to feel like a baby. That’s going to have to end soon! I never would have thought to do that with the girls because they were “too old.” Ha.