For the past couple days, my sons have been at their grandparents’ house, leaving the girls and me home alone. This doesn’t happen very often, so it has been great fun to have just us girls here, which creates a whole different dynamic. We’ve played a game; watched the American Idol finale, which I still hadn’t gotten around to watching, and chatted about our favorites; gone shopping; and had tons of girl talk. I love the relationship I have with my daughters. It’s about as ideal as I could have ever hoped for. (And yes, I know, they’re not even quite 11, so I better enjoy it while I can.)
Having the boys gone also gives me a small glimpse into what life would be like had the kids’ dad and I stuck with our original plan of having only two kids. After having twins sort of disrupted those plans (I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it, having twins is a lot like having one really complicated child), we debated heavily on whether or not we should have any more little ones.
Times were simpler when there were just the two of them and sometimes I miss those days very much. Hanging out with my girls has been quite enjoyable and oddly nostalgic. It makes me miss what seems like a much easier era, when my little girls and I would sit in the yard and pick “flowers” (actually dandelions), I’d push them on the swings, take them on daily walks, read them as many books as their hearts desired, watch their delight at the circus and buy little girl clothes and shoes. It was just us for four years and I got to know them well, probably much better than I’ll ever know my boys.
There are definitely advantages to having just two children, the biggest one being that a parent has far more opportunity for one-on-one time and really getting to understand a child. It’s just plain harder with more kids. Everything has been practically effortless with the boys gone, both because the girls are very independent and because there are just two of them. Less mess, less food to make, less laundry to do, less people to get out the door…it has been blissfully easy.
Still, I would never give any of my kids up (most days, anyway). As chaotic as it can get with four of them, I can’t imagine life without any of them. Yes, the craziness can sometimes make me want to run away screaming and crying, but I actually feel more at ease in the noise and disorder than I do when everything’s unnaturally clean and quiet.
Chaos = life, and I want to always have a house full of life and laughter.
How does the dynamic change in your family when someone is gone?
My kids are too young to really be gone. But I have to stick up for dandelions — they are flowers too!!!
And, they’re about the only flowers in my yard, so they’re what my boys come running to give me, so I have a special place in my heart for them, even if most everybody else considers them weeds.
I really relate. I look back fondly on the days when I had just my two little boys, and remember how uncomplicated it was (though it felt complicated at the time!) and remember how much I was able to do with them – long lazy days at the park, that sort of thing. I think part of the nostalgia is that those were my first few years of motherhood, too.
Since my boys are quite a few years older than my little girl, I get one-on-one time with her at home now while they’re at school, which is great, but I am still nostalgic for the time when I had just two. I would never change this life for that one though! I just feel glad I have those memories.
I am impressed you do feel at home with the chaos of having everyone there. I truly hope I can be as graceful about things when my fourth one arrives!
Oh, Kathy, I totally agree about the dandelions. Even my 10-year-olds still pick them for me! I enjoy them too, just because they’re from my kids.
Aw, thanks, Christine! I don’t know if I’d describe myself as “graceful,” but I do enjoy my kids very much (most of the time).
Your fourth one will just melt right into the mix, particularly once he/she is past the baby stage. It’ll be great!