When I was first pregnant with my twin daughters, I couldn’t wait to find out the sex of “the baby.” At my first ultrasound, I found out I was having two babies and neither gender could be positively determined; however, the news that I was having twins completely eclipsed anything else and I didn’t really care about their genders at that point. But the shock eventually wore off and soon I was again impatient to know.
A little background here: My mother had three daughters and no sons. My maternal grandmother had two daughters and no sons. My maternal great-grandmother had three girls, no boys. Even my paternal grandmother only had one boy and three girls. I knew my chances of having a boy were probably not very good since genetics do seem to determine some of this (i.e., a bad environment for the Y sperm).
This was why I was so anxious to know the gender of my babies. I wanted to have a boy first so I could be sure I’d get one. Growing up with girls, I’d always gotten along much better with boys, and I was dying to have a son of my own so I could see what life with boys in the house was like. I’ve also always admired the mother/son bonds I’ve seen and wanted to experience it for myself.
When I found out my babies were both girls some weeks later, I have to admit, I was deeply disappointed. After all, I was fulfilling the destiny I always knew I would — being a producer of only female offspring.
Of course that all changed once I saw them. I no longer cared that they were girls, even if they could be the only children I’d ever have. I fell in love with them, their little-girl clothes and shoes, their little-girl hair, and I loved how easy it was to relate to them.
I adore having daughters, which is quite unexpected and, frankly, awesome. Every stage brings with it new discoveries about them, different ways to relate and yet another facet to their ever-growing personalities. It’s fascinating to watch them grow up, make decisions, learn responsibility and become more and more independent.
We all know though that a girl’s open love and admiration for her mother abruptly end when she turns 12 or 13 and her mother becomes the stupidest and most embarrassing person on the planet. I mean, mother/daughter friction is just going to happen, right? It makes me sad to think about my daughters, who currently profess that I’m the best mom ever and still openly admire and love me, being constantly annoyed and smart-mouthed.
I’ll just hope that we can keep the momentum going and stay close throughout those tough years. If not, then I only have one good year left, two, if I’m lucky.
Whatever happens, I am eternally grateful that I have been blessed with my daughters.
Did you have a strong preference for your kids to be a certain gender? If so, why?
If you have or have had teenage girls, are/were you able to make it through those friction-filled times with your relationship fairly intact? If so, how did you do it?
I wanted boys — mostly because that’s what I had the most experience with as a baby-sitter; and I think boys are easier than girls. When I first found out I was pregnant, my husband really wanted a girl — didn’t want boys at all. But he thought I was having a boy. We had to have an ultrasound late in pregnancy to rule out twins (midwife thought she heard two heartbeats, but it was just an echo), and found out that our firstborn was indeed a boy. My husband was thrilled!! I’ve never seen him look so happy! Now he doesn’t want a girl at all. But I know if we had a girl, he’d be thrilled with a girl.
Sometimes I fondly think about having a girl, but most times I’d still prefer another boy.
Kathy, you really think boys are easier than girls? Interesting. That’s not my experience at all, but I suppose I’ll change my mind when my daughters are teenagers.
As for the earlier part of childhood, I think girls are, in general, way, way easier than boys. I’ve heard that the tables turn when they’re teenagers and the boys are typically much easier than the girls, so I guess we’ll see about that.
I’m curious to hear other comments about the teen years. I know my children are all boys, but I worry about the same thing. My husband assures me that it doesn’t HAVE to be that way, but I won’t be convinced til I see it.
Me too, Jenny. Hope I get some comments!
There’s hope, Sarah. Neither my sister nor I ever went through that stage. My mom has always been my best friend!
My experience was just the opposite of yours. When I became pregnant with twins, I have to admit that I really wanted girls … or at least one! I already had two sons, and I was raised with just one sister. I’d always dreamed of having a daughter. I even saved my Barbie dolls to pass on to her! So, I was sad at first to hear I was having two more boys. Of course, now I adore them and wouldn’t trade them for anything. But I still feel a twinge of sadness knowing I’ll never have a daughter. Whenever I feel down about it, I just remind myself of the many times people have told me that teenage girls are much more difficult than teenage boys! And, of course, there’s always hope for a granddaughter some day!
That’s so good to know, Laura! You’re one of the only females I’ve ever known who doesn’t have major issues with her mother. Thanks for giving me hope. =)
That’s so true, Susan. You can probably safely assume, between 4 boys, that you’ll have at least one granddaughter!