So, continuing yesterday’s discussion, how much is too much parental involvement? Where should we draw the line?
Obviously helicopter parenting by its very definition implies over-involvement in a child’s life. In general, it seems to be looked upon as a negative method of parenting because it smothers a child’s decision-making and real-life skills, personal preferences and independence.
My further research finds that the term “helicopter parenting” is typically used in the context of school, particularly high school and college, but it is also often used interchangeably with “overparenting.” I think the terms are very similar, though perhaps overparenting is a broader concept (and something we’ll discuss in the future).
As with most things in life, balance is the key. If you’re swooping in to rescue your child from every negative situation, you might want to think about the impact of your interference on your child’s future. What happens when you’re unable to help or not around? Will she be able to think for herself? When you find your entire identity wrapped up in your children and your role as a parent, it’s time to get your own life.
Conversely, if you have no idea what extra-curricular activities your child participates in or what kind of activities he enjoys, you probably need to be more involved. What kind of connection will he have with you once he leaves the home as an adult? How will he remember your relationship with him throughout his childhood?
Extremes of any kind are rarely good within the context of parenting. Not allowing children to succeed and fail where they should only impairs their ability to maneuver through the obstacle course of their lives independently when they become adults. In effect, it’s turning a disabled adult out into the world; one who is unprepared for the decisions she will have to make, forcing her to rely on her parent(s) for help and/or making the decisions for her. It’s like insisting on driving your child everywhere he goes. How will he learn to drive if you don’t let him try it himself?
When you think about it, raising a child who needs you that badly, particularly as an adult, could be classified as narcissistic on the parent’s part. Does a parent really need to be involved in every aspect of the child’s life or is there a deeper problem?
I’ll talk about that more in depth another time. For now, here are a couple links to some interesting articles on helicopter parenting:
How To Ground a “Helicopter Parent”
So the Torah is a Parenting Guide?
