All this talk about helicopter parenting and too much involvement in children’s lives has gotten me thinking about my future relationship with my daughters.
A fellow writer wisely commented on the self-proclaimed helicopter mom profiled in the Boston Globe article, the one I said yesterday didn’t seem like a helicopter parent to me.
I would say if that mom was weighing in with advice on classes without being asked — and what the level of weighing might be, gentle advice or pushing the student in a direction — she is helicopter parenting. … But if the relationship is adult to adult, that these are respectful conversations and the students are looking for their mom’s input, that’s not helicopter parenting.
She’s right. If this mom is giving unsolicited advice or trying to control her daughters’ lives, she’s way too involved. I just assumed that she was treating her daughters in a respectful, loving manner. To me, the description of the mom seems caring and connected, not interfering. It’s interesting how we all see things through our own set of experiences.
As I said the other day, I would love to have a relationship with my college-age/adult daughters like the mom in the article. It’s not that I need to be involved in their every activity or that I don’t have friends of my own, it’s more that it would make me happy that they would value my opinion enough to let me in on some of the details of their lives. I also just plain-old enjoy spending time with them and I expect that feeling will increase as they grow into adulthood.
I’ll be honest: I very much hope that someday, when my days of raising them are over, we can be close friends. I have fantasies of the three of us someday lying on the beach somewhere, enjoying a mother/daughter vacation.
Note that I said “…when my days of raising them are over…,” not now. I’m involved in my kids’ lives and interested in everything they do, but I can’t be their friend AND discipline them. My authority is gone the moment I stop being their mom and become their friend.
How involved do you envision yourself being with your adult children?
Coming from a life in Europe and then living in California with 3 sons, I feel that our role as parents is to make our kids learn how to become independent adults and not be “helicopter” parents. You’ll see some stuff we did with our kids on my profile to deal with certain teenage problems. I really enjoy your posts.