The following is an excerpt from a new book by Scott Haltzman, M.D., with Theresa Foy Digeronimo, entitled The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment. The two are also the authors of the highly successful The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women. Dr. Haltzman is clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Alpert Medical School of Brown University and editor of DrScott.com.

Read on to find out how to enter to win your own copy of The Secrets of Happy Families!

Earning Respect

It’s only natural that as individuals spend more time together, they will find things that irritate, annoy, or otherwise rub them the wrong way. That’s when the desire to act respectfully gets put to the test. Take this case as an example. One woman I see in my office had only recently recovered from a nearly deadly bout of pneumonia, so she promised her husband that she’d never smoke again. About a month after leaving the hospital, however, she began to go out during work breaks to sneak a puff or two on a cigarette with her friends. When her husband found out, he went ballistic! Did she still deserve respect after putting her life and the welfare of the family at risk again? It’s easy to see how he felt betrayed and how she probably felt belittled by his angry reaction.

Children, likewise, should be granted respect, but when a seventeen-year-old forgets to put gas in the family car, leaves the car stranded on the roadside when it inevitably runs dry and then takes off in a friend’s car to enjoy the rest of the night out, how are we able to demonstrate respect to this teen? When these conflicts arise, they threaten the foundation of a family — unless the underlying layer of respect can withstand the hit. And respect does not mean blanket acceptance of intolerable behavior. Respect doesn’t mean you have to like all aspects of any family member’s behavior. But respect does mean that you always treat all family members with dignity and seek a way to understand the world through their eyes.

So how should the husband of the woman who continued to smoke after he pneumonia express his anger and disappointment while still respecting his wife? How can parents let their teen know that irresponsible use of the family car is unacceptable, without showing disrespect for him as a human being? It’s not easy when the first thought that comes to mind sounds something like How can you be so stupid! But if the members of these families want to survive the argument and keep the core of the family strong, they’ll take a deep breath and remember to avoid the hostile responses found in the next Fair Fight Fact.

Want your very own copy of Secrets of Happy Families? Here’s how to enter for a chance to win one of these easy-to-read, engaging books:

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Giveaway ends at 11:59 Central Standard Time, Tuesday, August 18, 2009. Open to residents of the U.S. and Canada only. The winner will be chosen using random.org. Winner will have 72 hours to respond to notification with shipping info. If no response, another winner will be chosen.

Good luck!

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Tags: children, discipline, family, family issues, happy families, happy family, kids, parenting, respect, Scott Haltzman