Twins are so fascinating. Sometimes I can hardly believe how much mine love and cherish each other. Their relationship is unlike anything I ever had with my sisters, though basically they are just sisters who were born on the same day. It’s got its own rules, its own dance, its own nuances. I think the relationship between twins is often as close as a person can get to someone else, with the exception of a spouse.

So, because of this extreme closeness, when it comes to school, is it better to separate twins or keep them together? This question is one of the hottest ones among parents of twins, but I don’t believe there’s a right (or wrong) answer.

As I normally do with volatile issues, I decided to use my own judgment according to what would work best for my own kids. After all, just about every decision has its positive and negative aspects. I have to decide which balance of positive and negative works best for our family.

In kindergarten, we had no choice. There were only 5 kids in the class, so Rachel and Andie certainly weren’t going to be separated. When they finished kindergarten, the school closed (not enough students) and they had to merge with a different, bigger school.

It’s a bigger school, but it is by no means big. The girls are in the biggest class in the school, with 32 kids, 16 boys and 16 girls. Due to its large size, the class has been split into two from first grade on.

The first year, I wanted the girls separated. I told the teacher. I told the principal. No one seemed to think it was a big deal, so they argued with me a bit and kept them in the same class.

It was ugly. At this point, the girls were together 24/7. They shared a room, took baths together, rode the bus together, and on top of that, they had to be in the same class all day. Needless to say, they were incredibly tired of each other by the end of the day. By the end of the year, I think there may have been murder on the brain.

So, second grade rolled around. I insisted this time that they be separated, which, for some reason, was met with a little resistance. It was a much nicer and more pleasant school year. They stayed separated in third and fourth grade as well.

In fifth grade, last year, the school decided to split the girls and boys up since the main fifth grade teacher was male. My girls were thrilled about this prospect, and we had another good school year, even though they were in the same class. I think the peacefulness was mostly due to two factors: One, they each had their own room this time; and two, they developed their own interests a lot more, which made being in the same classroom much more tolerable.

This year, everything’s out the window because they will be in middle school. I anticipate them having most, if not all, their classes together, but they will start separating more and more each year from this point on.

My advice? Go with your gut, especially if it’s your twins’ first year of school. If they seem really co-dependent, they may not thrive without each other. If they love to be together, but have some independence, maybe being apart will be good for them. In either case, you can always make adjustments, if necessary.

And if you’re in a small enough school, the choice will be made for you anyway.

What are your thoughts and experiences on putting twins together (or not) in school, particularly if you are the parent of twins or have twins in your family?

Tags: back to school, family, family issues, parenting, parenting twins, separating twins, twins, twins and classrooms, twins and school