This post goes along with my nursing tank top giveaway in a strange way, I suppose. My friend Jenny Fink over at Blogging ‘Bout Boys talks about an article she read by a mom of boys on why she’s raising her boys free of typical gender stereotypes. What mystified Jenny, and me as well, is how many people jumped on the author of the article because she let her boys pretend to breastfeed their “babies.”
Perhaps I’m just supremely naive, but I never would have thought that this sort of playacting would cause such a reaction. These are portions of some of the comments that were left (thanks for letting me borrow these, Jenny):
“If my girls were pretending to nurse, it wouldn’t be so bad. After all, I nursed mine til they were a year. But, I would be offended if I saw my son ‘nursing’ a baby, I would not if he had a bottle (it can always be a bottle of ‘breast milk’). They don’t have the ‘equipment’ and I just don’t think it’s right. I think this kind of raising (in the article) may turn him into a ‘girly man’, and I hate that.”
“Of course a child acts out nursing. Because he saw you do it. He’s testing you to see your response. If you don’t guide them, and teach them, they will grow up as an animal in captivity and will be very sad when they hit the ‘real world’ and probably ill-equipped to cope.”
You know, I just have to say, I don’t see the big deal. Yes, kids act out what they see. Logan pretended to nurse his sisters’ dolls when he was younger (say, 2 or 3). He’s seen his aunts do it and he knows that’s how many babies get their food. So what if he doesn’t have the “right equipment?” To me, it just shows a nurturing, kind, sweet personality. Cody would never even think to pretend this way.
This seems similar to wanting to put on makeup while watching me do mine or wanting to play with dolls. Why would I purposely shame my sons for demonstrating care and compassion or a desire to be like their momma? I know someday Logan is going to make a wonderful father just by watching how carefully he takes care of his babies now (though he doesn’t “nurse” them anymore, as he has long since drawn the conclusion that only females can do that).
Just recently Andie got out one of her old dolls with all its accessories and got it ready to send to her little cousin. Logan found it first though and has since spent a long time taking care of his new-found child, making it meals, bathing it, changing its clothes. (Because evidently he doesn’t have enough babies with the 10 or so he’s already “adopted.”) I know this isn’t typical behavior for a boy, but I don’t care. Logan spontaneously tells me he loves me, hugs me as tightly as his little arms can grasp, is the empathetic, thoughtful, kind soul whose personality I wouldn’t trade for anything. Who am I to damage that part of him?
As for the “girly man” comment — I’d just like to say that we need many more “girly men” around! Men who really understand, respect and relate to women are far too few and I hope my boys grow up to be compassionate, nurturing, affectionate individuals. If that makes them “girly,” then so be it.
What are your thoughts on this? Do you think it’s wrong for boys to pretend to nurse or not a big deal? (Call me crazy, but it just seems like there are much more important things in life to worry about.)
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Oh, good grief!! Children imitate what they see, for good or for bad. Just about every child — male or female — that I’ve seen who has a younger breastfed sibling will “breastfeed” a doll, stuffed animal, etc. This is perfectly normal, and may even be better for these children, because they are imprinting normal, successful breastfeeding into their young minds, which will pay off in huge benefits as they become nursing mothers and fathers. And one of the little boys I saw who “breastfed” his teddy bear at 3 years of age is now 17 years old and judging by his facebook account, is much more of a “ladies’ man” than a “girlie man.”
Kathy´s last blog ..Win a copy of Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy
I completely agree, Kathy. Thanks for your comment!
I don’t have children……yet, but I find it wonderful to think that little boys feel the desire to “nurture an infant” by playing at breastfeeding. It’s a sad reality that there are a lot of single parents, both moms and dads, as well as co-parents, and archaic gender roles need to be redefined in order to raise healthy new generations. We would never chastise a little girl for NOT pretending to breastfeed her dollies, so why should we think it unnatural for a boy to want to? He’ll figure out eventually that he doesn’t have the “right equpment”, but we need to encourage his nurturing heart……it’s what great dads are made of!