I was browsing through Tweets today for a bit when I ran across a link someone had posted to what was presumably a blog post. It was entitled, “Do you apologize to your kids?” I didn’t follow the link because I wanted to write my own thoughts on the subject without any other input.
My answer is yes, I do apologize to my kids. I’m sure there are plenty of parents out there who think that it shows weakness to tell their kids they’re sorry, but I believe it’s just the opposite. Parents need to worry less about appearing weak and more about being a good example for their kids. Decent, compassionate human beings apologize when they hurt someone or otherwise wrong them.
If I yell at my kids or lose my temper for no good reason, I apologize. I say, “Look, I’m sorry I yelled at you when I shouldn’t have. I’m feeling really crabby right now and everything is getting on my nerves, but that’s still no excuse to yell,” or something to that effect. In one short lesson I’m teaching them that A. it’s good and necessary to apologize when appropriate; B. even though we all feel irritable sometimes, that doesn’t give us the right to treat anyone with any less respect than they should be treated; and C. I’m human too and I mess up on occasion (well, more than that, but they don’t need to hear a list of all my transgressions).
I do not, however, apologize when I yell at them because they aren’t listening or when I discipline them because they chose to misbehave. Those things are just part of parenting and apologies aren’t necessary. I’m talking about saying I’m sorry because I acted in a way I wouldn’t approve of them acting. It may be easy to think, “Well, I’m the adult, I shouldn’t have to apologize,” but it’s not about us being the authority figures; again, it’s about us being good examples of how a person should behave. When we mess up, it’s our responsibility to teach our kids how to rectify the situation as much as possible.
How about you? Do you apologize to your kids?
If it’s necessary, I do. There was an incident this summer where my daughter kept telling me I said something that I knew I didn’t, and I raised my voice. Later, something triggered my memory and I realized I DID say to her what she’s been telling me I said, and I was quick to admit I was wrong and apologize.
I agree w/your sentiment of setting a good example being of major importance. I am always cognizant of the fact that there are little ones taking in all I say and do, and that somehow my actions and how I raised them will be a part of their lives always and forever. I just want them to look back and know they were loved and respected, and that I did my best. That includes apologizing when I am dead wrong.
Yes, I do. I agree that it teaches them that “even adults” mess up and need to apologize. How bad it would be to live in a world in which the strong and those in authority considered themselves to be above apologizing, as if they were infallible!
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I apologize when I feel I ought to. In order for kids to grow into polite, responsible and understanding adults, they need to see these sort of actions. I feel that parenting is as as much about setting a good example as it is about ‘telling them’ about rules and regulations, if not more so, and they need to learn that when someone is wrong they should apologize. I am a parent and make mistakes, so why not admit it. I would like them to do the same.
I agree on apologizing when you mess up, but I’m veeeerrry careful about over-apologizing. I think it’s too easy for parents to SAY that they only apologize when they go overboard with yelling or something similar (and want to convey, as you wrote, the idea that we are all human, we all mess up, and we all should be honest enough to own up), but then in practice end up falling all over themselves apologizing for everything. I see it a lot in my own family: parents apologizing that a kid couldn’t go to a party; that the kid is at a family party and “there’s no one for you to play with”; and on and on. Or, apologizing FOR the kids, which is a huge no-no in my book. “Oh, he’s just tired, or hungry, or bored…” which may be true, but when the kid hears that over and over again, well, you know what happens.
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Hi! We loved your post over at KiwiLog and decided to feature it as a part of our weekly mom blog round-up. Thanks!
Yes, luckily I don’t feel that the need to apologize to my children happens very often. There are days when I amy scold a little too harshly and immediately let them know it. Also, I try to instill in them that how your treat others is how they will treat you.
Thanks, Cindi