One word: Distraction.
It’s one of the best lessons I ever learned from my kids’ paternal grandmother.
Toddlers have notoriously short attention spans. They also have very few resources from which to draw to know how to effectively and calmly express their emotions. The result? A little person with unpredictable moods and unstable actions.
Distraction is simple, really. So obvious, it’s easy to overlook. I mean, who wants to be constantly saying “no” and engaging in a battle of wills with a person who still wets his pants? Especially when the solution is so much more pleasant, gets parents a lot further and almost always works?
Let’s say, for example, your 2-year-old decides that she doesn’t want to take a nap. (That never happens, right?) Instead of engaging her in a power struggle, you tell her she can play for 2 more minutes (they have no concept of time, after all) and then show her how to march to her bed. This takes the focus off of bed and puts it on how we’re getting to bed. Marching worked wonders with my kids. I felt like an idiot sometimes, chanting, “March, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four,” and marching somewhere, but they thought it was a hoot. It always, without fail, distracted them from my goal.
Singing is another amazing tool that most parents don’t use enough. When a child is upset or pouting, often singing some silly songs will put him right back into his previously cheerful mood.
I’m not advocating avoiding discipline. We all know kids have to be disciplined at times. For a child who is too young to understand the reasons behind her parents’ instructions though, distraction is almost always the only thing that’s needed once you’ve said, “I don’t want you to do that.” There will be plenty of time for explaining the whys of your rules later.
After all, you want to enjoy his toddler years, right? Explore the wonder, the magic, the joy toddlers find in everything. Be goofy, be ridiculous, embarrass yourself. Pick her up and move her to another area. Surprise her with a short tickle session. Make up a story. Be spontaneous. Tell him what you need him to know, i.e., he shouldn’t be pulling the baby’s hair, and move him along to a new activity.
Some distracting activities:
♥ coloring, with washable crayons, of course
♥ singing
♥ having her copy your actions, i.e., clap your hands, stomp your feet, twirl, etc.
♥ going for a walk
♥ marching to your destination
♥ getting a snack and/or drink
The possibilities are endless.
Try it. And come back to let me know how it works for you.
Do you already or have you used distraction with your toddler? Have you found it to be effective?
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I have to second singing as an excellent distraction, and a wonderful way to calm both child and parent down when everyone’s getting upset. I don’t use it nearly enough, but I’ve been trying to remember it more. Just last night my kids were arguing over something at the dinner table so I started singing everything I said. I sounded RIDICULOUS, but a couple minutes later, we were all laughing and all of us had completely forgotten about the argument! Thanks for the marching idea — I’ll definitely try this one (probably tonight!).
I use distraction at the park. When it’s time to go, instead of arguing with my toddler, I tell him we have to go bye-bye, and the SECOND he starts to get upset, I tell him to say goodbye to the park, and I start saying, “Bye, Park!” and waving. He copies me, and we leave without incident. I did this with my older three too. I’ve been lucky that it’s worked with them all.
Good post!
I always did the “Wave bye-bye” trick too! It works incredibly well.