I nearly told my boys last week that there’s no such thing as Santa. I’m all for using one’s imagination, but I have serious problems with the whole Santa fantasy.
You see, I never believed in Santa as a child. He was just an imaginary figure who represented Christmas, similar to The Easter Bunny being the patron of Easter. (OK, so I did believe in the Tooth Fairy, but that’s a different story entirely.)
My parents didn’t want my sisters and me to focus on getting presents for Christmas and they felt that believing in Santa precipitated this tendency. As Christians, Christmas is about celebrating Jesus’ birth and they didn’t want anything to take away from that. I have never, not for one instant, felt that I missed out.
Due to this lack of Santa nostalgia, I didn’t really care to create the illusion for my own kids. The kids’ dad, however, grew up believing in Santa and firmly believes that it’s an extremely fun, and therefore necessary, part of Christmas.
So I tried to compromise by telling the kids that Santa would fill their stockings, but that they would get their gifts from us and other relatives. (In yet another related confession, I will admit that I just don’t want to give Santa credit for the presents that I painstakingly picked out, paid for and wrapped. I want the kids to know they’re from ME. Juvenile? Immature? Perhaps. But there it is.)
The girls didn’t really ask me too many Santa-related questions, other than the typical “how-will-Santa-get-in-the-house-if-we-don’t-have-a-chimney” type, which made me uncomfortable enough. Not being familiar with Santa trivia, I’d blurt out an answer, feeling like a total fraud and liar as I did so.
Obviously the girls don’t believe in Santa anymore. This year, however, the boys have been making assumptions. Assumptions for which I am completely unprepared. Which is why I just about ended the Era of Feeling Uncomfortable as I Make Up Yet Another Lie for the Sake of Keeping Up the Santa Myth That I Don’t Even Believe.
“I really hope I get a Mario toy for Christmas,” Cody lamented last week as he and Logan sat in the back seat.
Since I’ve looked online a bit for said Mario toy and have seen just how uncommon they seem to be, I said, “Well, Cody, I think Mario toys are pretty hard to find.”
“Well, Santa can get me one,” Cody said.
“Remember, Santa only fills your stockings. He doesn’t give you presents,” I replied automatically.
“Oh, that’s OK. I’m sure there are plenty of Mario toys that will fit in my stocking. And it doesn’t matter if they can be bought or not because Santa’s elves can just make them,” he assured me.
I was speechless. How on earth was I supposed to reply to this? The temptation to inform the boys that Santa would, in fact, not be able to commission a Mario toy or two from his elves because he wasn’t even real, overwhelmed me. How upset would they be? Would they cry? Think I was lying?
“Maybe,” I finally said, dropping the subject.
Part of me is sorry that I didn’t just end the fantasy right then and there, since the likelihood of a Mario toy being in Cody’s stocking is slim to none and I don’t know how I’m going to explain its absence. I’m tired of answering uncomfortable questions for which I have no good answer. (Why don’t they ever ask their dad these questions? He probably knows all the right answers.) Would it really be that heartbreaking to find out that Santa is just imaginary? I have no idea.
I guess I’ll struggle through for now, though I’m just waiting for the time when one of the boys asks me why some of their friends get presents from Santa and they don’t. There are so many inconsistencies in the Santa story (for instance, how does a parent deal with the question of why Junior’s friend got better presents from Santa than he did?). I wish we could either all agree on one, i.e., Santa only fills stockings, or just scrap it altogether.
How do you handle the Santa phenomenon? What would you say to a child who is clearly expecting Santa to deliver a certain gift or stocking stuffer, when you know perfectly well that it ain’t gonna happen?
I was also raised to not believe in santa, but my dad tells a story of when I was young that he says showed him that I would not be one to succumb to peer pressure easily. He says that one day he overheard me talking to someone about santa and he very calmly said “Erika, we don’t believe in santa”, to which I replied “No daddy, YOU don’t!”
I beg you–do not tell them the reality of it. They will learn soon enough. Landen came home last week and said someone told him on the bus that Santa isn’t real. This will be the 2nd year in a row that he will not get what he “ordered.” Sometimes Santa knows them better than they know themselves (or has mercy on their parents). I, too, feel it isn’t about getting big presents, but the magic of it that is important. It seems the magic that comes with life in this world is taken from our children much sooner than it was taken from us.
) Laura
I don’t remember when I stopped believing in Santa, but I do know the rule still is “if you don’t believe, you don’t get anything!”
Ha! I feel the same way! Except I am just against lying to my kids completely. I have gotten around it by not saying anything about Santa. I don’t confirm or deny his existence. I would like to say that yes, Santa is alive and well in anyone who does something nice for someone any time during the year. And that wouldn’t it be great if we could *all* keep Santa alive every day of the year? But I digress…besides, you shouldn’t be reading this! You should be on the phone with Santa’s elves so they can procure one of those Mario toys…
We don’t do Santa either. I think my husband’s family did Santa, but my family never did. For a lot of the same reasons you outlined above (including why should Santa get the credit for the parents’ hard work, and what happens when “Santa” doesn’t bring the toy the kid wants?), we never uncomfortable perpetuating the myth. My kids haven’t missed out — I don’t even think they understand the whole Santa thing. We have ornaments with Santa on it, so they know who Santa Claus is; I’ve read them “The Night Before Christmas” many times, just like I read Goldilocks and the Three Bears; but none of their cousins believe in Santa, so it’s basically a non-issue. In fact, nobody yet this year has asked my kids what Santa is bringing them for Christmas! [That'll probably change today when I go grocery shopping with them...]
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Sarah, I’m on your side. I find the whole Santa phenomenon baffling. I’ve never done it with my kids, and I’m really glad me and hubby were on the same page about this. I don’t blame you for feeling uncomfortable or wanting to tell the truth. I understand that for many families it’s a fun and quaint Christmas tradition, but some of us just don’t get it.
I think we should all learn the historical aspect of where the Santa Claus idea came from. St. Nickolas, I believe. He was a very generous man. ( I think and I need to remind myself the whole story.) My kids are older now and “Santa” fills their stockings with things they need. Most of the time it is beef jerky, pringles, pudding cups, etc. Stuff we don’t buy normally. When they were little, we tried to get them a toy they wanted. But, not always. And, as they get older; they remember what they got from Santa as a kid; and we usually got “thanked” later. It is the anticipation that is fun; the feeling of being surprised; and the lesson of giving to others that is the point of playing the “Santa” game.
We grew up with Santa, but what we got was what HE felt we needed not always what we wanted. Such as that ruff and tuff Tonka toy or that Cabbage Patch kid that my sisters wanted earlier that summer but had long since forgotten about. And of course, he filled the stockings. As for myself, I didn’t really push the Santa issue. I kinda tried to keep him in the background and saved him for the special stuff whereas my wife was a Santa pusher. Each kid had to have two (non-wrapped) toys under the tree with little roped name tags on them, full stockings, and of course I had to take a drink of the now warm milk. (BLECH!!!) and eat half of each cookie to wash the milk taste down.
So I guess that after the years, I still stand by Santa, but keep him in the back ground so we can still celebrate the birth of Christ and enjoy the spirit of giving.
None of my kids “believe” in Santa anymore, but still enjoy his special gifts.