I received the following question from reader MCmomof3:
Does anyone have any advice for how to handle our sore-loser son? I keep thinking he’ll grow out of it, but this kid cannot handle losing or even getting behind. He comes from two go-getter parents who don’t give up until they’re beaten, so this is very foreign to me. John is the youngest of three kids. He’s our most emotional child, yet he also makes us laugh the most.
Recently, we took him to a high school basketball game and our team was down my 7 points in the first quarter. John started talking about going home because we were going to lose. “John, it’s way early in the game, anything can happen, don’t give up so easy,” were the kinds of things we said. Our team ended up winning by about 5 points and it was an exciting game. I knew that was a good lesson for John, but I still don’t see any long term signs of changing.
When we play board games and he gets behind, it’s the same thing. He wants to quit. He’s played Stratego with his siblings about ten times and lost every time. I guess that says something for his ability to keep trying, but I sometimes feel like he’s setting himself up for disaster. I’ve reminded him that that game is for ages ten and up and maybe he’s just not ready. So, is poor sportsmanship and a negative outlook part of growing up or something that should be addressed if it continues? I have not yet sought advice about this matter as the husband doesn’t consider it a “matter” at all.
Thanks!
MCmomof3
Dear MCmomof3,
I have a sore-loser son myself, so I know where you’re coming from. It’s very frustrating to watch him get so upset about losing that no one wants to play games with him as a result. I remind him every time that games are supposed to be fun and that he will win eventually, as well as point out that no one wants to play with him because he acts like that. I’ve even demonstrated to him what he sounds like, which usually elicits a sheepish smile. He has gotten better as he gets older, so I think the main key to curing poor sportsmanship is time.
It sounds like you’re doing everything you can to encourage him not to quit or be a sore loser. As long as you’re consistently giving him that message, I think he will come around as he gets older. Eventually kids figure out that not only do their siblings not want to play with them, but none of their friends do either, when they act like that.
What do you think? Do you have advice for MCmomof3?
It sounds like you are doing a great job with him so far. I am the step mother of two men, who were boys when I became their step mother. There were things we had to confront like this and honestly, they didn’t entirely go away because my husband never really saw them as issues, he does now however
. I would say that if your son understands the option is to not get involved at all then maybe that will motivate him to stick with things a little longer. I would also not shelter him if people don’t want to play with him because of his actions, peers can often be the best teachers. You are obviously a caring mother and your determination as a mother will help your son as well.
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