Hi Sarah,

I am a day care provider for just one child. She is an only child and spends the majority of the day with me, an adult. I recently took her to a library reading with other kids and she even knew a couple of them. She would not interact with the kids. She just stared at me and stuck her hands in her mouth. Very frustrating. After an hour she finally participated with the children she knew but by then it was basically over. Obviously I need to get her out more but I live in a small farming town and there is not much out there. Why are some kids so socially inadequate? I don’t feel like it is normal. I do have a step-daughter on my days off from day care and she is an only child from a broken home just like my daycare kid and I feel she adapts well to others (doesn’t play well alone, but with others just fine). I am learning and don’t know how to help my daycare child. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Kara

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Hi Kara,

Thanks so much for your question.

I think the basic difference between your step-daughter and your daycare child is simply in their personalities, just as some adults are shy, while others are more outgoing and friendly. Your charge probably just needs some time to warm up to the other kids. I don’t think getting her out more is that big of a deal at this point. If the opportunity arises to take her to activities with other kids, that’s great. If not, no biggie. She’ll get plenty of experience when she starts going to school.

Next time you do take her somewhere with her peers, encourage her gently to interact with the other kids, but don’t push her. She needs room to be who she is without feeling pressured. Although it might seem like social inadequacy to you, it’s very normal for younger kids to be this way. She’ll figure it out eventually, though she might always be a little timid.

It sounds like you’re doing a great job with her and the fact that you’re worried about this aspect of her development shows how much you care. It’s easy for caregivers to worry excessively about how well they’re doing with their charges, but I think most of us worry unnecessarily. I believe that as long as we’re providing the kids we care for with love, support, attention, guidance and patience, they will be just fine.

Thanks for writing and be confident in your caregiving skills. You’re doing great!

Sarah

Anyone else care to weigh in?

Tags: children, daycare, daycare provider, family, parenting, personality, shy child, step-daughter, step-parent