In that vein, I’m starting a gratitude thread here because thinking about what I’m grateful for, as well as seeing other people’s lists, always gives me warm, fuzzy feelings.

My only rule: Limit your list to five, and try to make it small things, rather than general ones.

Here’s mine, in no particular order:

1.  The sunny weather we’ve been having lately, which means summer is oh-so-close. I hope. In any case, I love to see the sun, especially after a very cloudy winter.

2.  Today was a really good day. Glen was here for awhile and the kids were busy and happier than I’ve seen them in a long time.

3.  The kids and I switched their rooms around so the girls each have their own and the boys are sharing. Not a fun process, but I enjoy even small changes. Plus three of them are so excited about having “new” rooms, I can’t help but be happy about it.

4.  My buddy from high school, Dan. We’ve had some great chats this week and he’s incredibly supportive and helpful, a true kindred spirit.

5.  Re-runs of Scrubs that just started over from the first episode. It’s a quick break that’s sure to make me laugh.

OK, your turn! What are you grateful for? If you’re reading this on Facebook, do me a favor and head over to my blog (http://parentingbytrialanderror.com) to comment.

This judgmental attitude among parents is the main reason I decided to start my blog. There is no one right way to raise kids. Period. Each child is different and has individual needs that his or her parents usually know best. There are, of course, some clearly wrong ways to raise a child, i.e., hurting, mistreating or abusing kids in any way, but in general, I think we need to learn to be a lot more tolerant of each other’s parenting styles.

I am certainly not immune to thinking my methods are the gold standard, much as I hate to admit it. It’s not hard to settle into the comfortable feeling of wisdom that naturally comes with raising a larger-than-average family. It’s not that I think I know it all, by any means, but the fact is that I have had many parenting experiences, thanks to the size of my brood. These said experiences can sometimes lull me into complacency, and even a misguided feeling of superiority.

Here’s my challenge to you, as well as to myself: The next time you feel tempted to deride another parent’s way of dealing with her child, bite your tongue and think about how you would feel if someone criticized your inability to get your baby to sleep through the night, your toddler’s tendency to get into everything in sight or your teen’s insistence on wearing all black. And if you’ve raised your kids already, before you dole out any criticism and scorn, don’t forget that you were not perfect either. Most of us are simply doing our best, and really, isn’t that all our kids can ask for?

Which parenting areas inspire judgment and criticism in you?

It’s one of the best lessons I ever learned from my kids’ paternal grandmother.

Toddlers have notoriously short attention spans. They also have very few resources from which to draw to know how to effectively and calmly express their emotions. The result? A little person with unpredictable moods and unstable actions.

Distraction is simple, really. So obvious, it’s easy to overlook. I mean, who wants to be constantly saying “no” and engaging in a battle of wills with a person who still wets his pants? Especially when the solution is so much more pleasant, gets parents a lot further and almost always works?

Let’s say, for example, your 2-year-old decides that she doesn’t want to take a nap. (That never happens, right?) Instead of engaging her in a power struggle, you tell her she can play for 2 more minutes (they have no concept of time, after all) and then show her how to march to her bed. This takes the focus off of bed and puts it on how we’re getting to bed. Marching worked wonders with my kids. I felt like an idiot sometimes, chanting, “March, two, three, four, one, two, three, four, hup, two, three, four,” and marching somewhere, but they thought it was a hoot. It always, without fail, distracted them from my goal.

Singing is another amazing tool that most parents don’t use enough. When a child is upset or pouting, often singing some silly songs will put him right back into his previously cheerful mood.

I’m not advocating avoiding discipline. We all know kids have to be disciplined at times. For a child who is too young to understand the reasons behind her parents’ instructions though, distraction is almost always the only thing that’s needed once you’ve said, “I don’t want you to do that.” There will be plenty of time for explaining the whys of your rules later.

After all, you want to enjoy his toddler years, right? Explore the wonder, the magic, the joy toddlers find in everything. Be goofy, be ridiculous, embarrass yourself. Pick her up and move her to another area. Surprise her with a short tickle session. Make up a story. Be spontaneous. Tell him what you need him to know, i.e., he shouldn’t be pulling the baby’s hair, and move him along to a new activity.

Some distracting activities:

♥ coloring, with washable crayons, of course

♥ singing

♥ having her copy your actions, i.e., clap your hands, stomp your feet, twirl, etc.

♥ going for a walk

♥ marching to your destination

♥ getting a snack and/or drink

The possibilities are endless.

Try it. And come back to let me know how it works for you.

Do you already or have you used distraction with your toddler? Have you found it to be effective?

♦      ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦     ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦      ♦

Have you entered my giveaway for a LeapFrog Tag Junior Book Pal bundle? Take a second and enter to win!

My answer is yes, I do apologize to my kids. I’m sure there are plenty of parents out there who think that it shows weakness to tell their kids they’re sorry, but I believe it’s just the opposite. Parents need to worry less about appearing weak and more about being a good example for their kids. Decent, compassionate human beings apologize when they hurt someone or otherwise wrong them.

If I yell at my kids or lose my temper for no good reason, I apologize. I say, “Look, I’m sorry I yelled at you when I shouldn’t have. I’m feeling really crabby right now and everything is getting on my nerves, but that’s still no excuse to yell,” or something to that effect. In one short lesson I’m teaching them that A. it’s good and necessary to apologize when appropriate; B. even though we all feel irritable sometimes, that doesn’t give us the right to treat anyone with any less respect than they should be treated; and C. I’m human too and I mess up on occasion (well, more than that, but they don’t need to hear a list of all my transgressions).

I do not, however, apologize when I yell at them because they aren’t listening or when I discipline them because they chose to misbehave. Those things are just part of parenting and apologies aren’t necessary. I’m talking about saying I’m sorry because I acted in a way I wouldn’t approve of them acting. It may be easy to think, “Well, I’m the adult, I shouldn’t have to apologize,” but it’s not about us being the authority figures; again, it’s about us being good examples of how a person should behave. When we mess up, it’s our responsibility to teach our kids how to rectify the situation as much as possible.

How about you? Do you apologize to your kids?

This year I have another kindergartner and the homework that started to trickle in at the beginning of the year has been gaining speed by the week.

Last week, when I went on my writer’s conference/cruise, the kids went with their dad to visit their grandma in the hospital for a couple days, thereby missing school. I got home to find a huge pile of make-up homework for Logan. We’re still not done with it, a week later!

I’m beyond frustrated. Logan, being a completely different kid than Cody, is a perfectionist when it comes to his work. Everything takes him 5 times as long to do as it took Cody. For instance, he had to color a few animals in a picture. Instead of just scribbling one color like many other 5-year-olds do, he had to painstakingly draw colored stripes in each animal. He wanted it to be “pretty so my teacher will really like it.”

The 1 hour+ picture

Completion time: over an hour. Yes, seriously. I was sitting there watching the whole process, so I know he wasn’t messing around.

Tonight he had to create a “Word Monster.” He chose to use a cereal box for this project, cutting the top into little strips for hair and adding multiple bee stickers, and it took him approximately two hours to complete.

Word Monster

It even has a “backbone, so he can be straight,” explained a proud Logan.

The backbone

Sigh.

This is going to be a long, long year.

What is a parent to do? We all know that if I protest the homework, even silently like I did last year with Cody, I’m going to be viewed as a bad, uninvolved parent. At the same time, I’ve already got way too much on my plate and frankly, I don’t have time (or patience) for this sort of homework.

I said it before and I’ll keep saying it: Beyond reading, I don’t think any kid this young should have homework. He’s already gone every day from 7:30 to nearly 4:30. Having to come home and do homework on top of that, when bed time is at 8:00, doesn’t give him a lot of time for kid stuff. At the rate he works, it barely gives him time to eat and bathe, let alone play.

Yes, I understand teachers have to meet certain requirements with their students, I really do. In this situation, though, I think it’s the teacher (who I like very much, incidentally — she does a great job) more than test scores. Case in point: My first grader does not have anywhere close to the amount of homework that my kindergartner does and this was particularly noticeable when the kids missed school.

I’m curious what others have done or would do in this situation. I adore feedback and comments, so please share!

In fact, I love comments so much, I’m going to send a little something to the author of my favorite comment for the month of November, so post to your heart’s content.

Have you dealt with the homework dilemma? What are your thoughts on homework in kindergarten?

Congratulations to

Gianna Kranenberg of Cambridge, MN, for winning the Secrets of Happy Families giveaway.

Congratulations also to

Sandra Lopez of El Paso, TX, on winning the Baking Kids Love cookbook giveaway.

Thanks to all who entered!

2.  Conversely, on school mornings or when they have to get up by a certain time, your kids are sure to be groggy and crabby as you drag them out of their beds.

3.  Your child rarely gets sick, but as soon as you have an important meeting or event, she’s down for the count.

4.  Though he’s been constipated for days, your baby has an outfit-destroying blow-out as soon as you’re in public.

5.  Similarly, your preschooler, who swore up and down she absolutely did not have to go to the bathroom before you left the house, declares that she’s going to wet her pants while you’re in the middle of checking out at the store.

6.  Even though you look to make sure the kids are busy before you make that important phone call, they track you down like mosquitoes to warm blood and demand your immediate attention just as you’ve finished saying, “hello.”

7.  The toy that your child hasn’t so much as glanced at in months is suddenly being mourned as his “favorite” the day after you pitch it.

8.  Everyone is busy and content; however, as soon as you close the bathroom door, they’re frantically pounding, in dire need of your assistance.

9.  The new toy you painstakingly picked out for your daughter’s first Christmas is infinitely less interesting than the box in which it was packaged.

10.  The tissues you carefully and pointedly placed in your son’s pocket to combat his runny nose will invariably be replaced by a much faster and handier alternative — his sleeve.

Got any to add? We’d love to hear ‘em!

After days of watching in dismay as Cody woke up every morning, all excited about the money that should have been left under his pillow for his tooth, he finally decided that the Tooth Fairy must hate him.

A little girl in his class confirmed this the same day, when she informed him that the Tooth Fairy had written her a note saying that very thing.

“Ridiculous,” I scoffed, when he came home and told me.

But of course, inside, I felt incredibly ashamed of myself. Why on earth can’t I remember such a simple thing???

So, that night, the Tooth Fairy left Cody this envelope with money inside of it:

The next morning, when I asked if the Tooth Fairy had come yet, Cody grumpily said, “No, she’s never coming. She hates me.”

“Are you sure?” I prodded, encouraging him to just check.

As he pulled out the envelope, a smile lit up his entire face. “Cody, sorry I’m so late… I was ON VACATION!” he read. “I KNEW IT!”

OK, so that worked this time.

Only, oh, 15+ teeth or so to go, between Cody and Logan.

Unfortunately, I don’t think they’ll believe the Tooth Fairy takes that many vacations.

Have you ever been late with your kids’ tooth money? How have you covered your tracks?

]]> http://www.parentingbytrialanderror.com/2009/10/22/why-i-wont-be-winning-the-mom-of-the-year-award-any-time-soon/feed/ 10 http://www.parentingbytrialanderror.com/2009/10/17/yes-i-nominated-myself/ http://www.parentingbytrialanderror.com/2009/10/17/yes-i-nominated-myself/#comments Sun, 18 Oct 2009 05:56:28 +0000 Sarah E. Ludwig http://www.parentingbytrialanderror.com/?p=2143 Well, someone had to do it. So when I stumbled across the link to the Blogger’s Choice Awards, I had to nominate myself.

You see, I’ve noticed these fancy blog awards on other bloggers’ sites that have caused me some major drooling issues. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for some sort of parenting blog award (my Ripe Tomato Award from Blog Salad notwithstanding, since that’s a general blog award), thought I, as I signed myself up on the Blogger’s Choice Awards site and proceeded to nominate my blog for not one, not two, but three award categories. (Oh, come on, don’t you think I can win the “Best Blog of All Time” award???)

What would a blog award do for me, you ask? Besides polishing my ego just a smidge, an award would give me more press and marketing value, both very necessary ingredients to my future goals with Parenting By Trial and Error. Future goals that you, my dear reader, will undoubtedly become a part of. Oh yes, I have big dreams for this little blog and plans to make them happen very soon.

So, if you like my blog just a wee little bit; if you have gotten even one smile or, better, a good belly laugh from one of my posts; if you enjoy good quality writing or, at the very least, enjoy reading about all the mistakes I make and embarrassing situations I get myself into as a mom of four, then please, I beg you, go vote for my blog for a Blogger’s Choice Award.

It’s so very easy. See the badges labeled “Blogger’s Choice Award” right next to this post (assuming you are on my blog)? Just click on one, either one (or, if you really want to show me love, both), and vote for Parenting By Trial and Error. It takes 3 seconds of your time and for that, you will have my eternal gratitude. What a bargain!

If you’re a die-hard fan, feel free to click on the “Join Me! Top Mom Blogs” button on the right side as well. The more clicks I get, the further up the list I go. Last I checked, I was at number 20, which put me on the first page, but just barely. I’ve been bouncing between 20 and 21 (page 1 and page 2) for a couple weeks.

And hey, if you vote for me and you’d like a vote in return, leave me a comment and a link. I’ll make a point of voting for your blog as well.

Let’s spread the love around! (And I don’t mean that in a 1960s, hippie sort of way.)

Called to school to pick up the aforementioned child early because he had an on-again, off-again headache and tummy ache, I was leading my offspring, who didn’t seem sick at all, past the playground on our way to the van when his kindergarten teacher stopped me.

My little tall tale teller at age 2

“Um, I thought you might want to know that Logan has been telling everyone today that you are expecting,” she whispered so the other kids wouldn’t hear.

“What?!” I practically shrieked, appalled.

“Yeah, I didn’t think it was true, but he said, ‘My mom’s going to have a baby and then there will be 7 people in our family!’” she said. “I asked Mrs. Taylor (Cody’s teacher) if it was true and she asked Cody. He said no, but I just thought you might want to have a talk with Logan about it.”

“Well, it’s not true,” I said, still reeling. “Logan really WANTS a baby, but I’m NOT expecting.”

Minutes later, as he sat safely strapped into his booster seat in the van, I turned an evil stare on my youngest child.

“So,” I said, my voice dripping with warnings. “I hear you told everyone that I’m having a baby.”

He instantly looked abashed. “Well, yeah,” he admitted.

“Why would you say that when it’s not true?” I asked, genuinely perplexed.

“Well, because I wanted to make everyone happy,” he said. ” I wanted to make it a happy day for my teachers and my friends.”

“I see,” I said, beginning to be more amused than angry. “Do you realize that making up something about someone like that is a lie?”

Logan’s little face looked both upset and startled by this news. He clapped his hands to his mouth. “A lie?” he asked, behind his covered mouth.

“Yes, because now people believe something about me that isn’t true. I know you didn’t mean to tell a lie, but that’s what it was,” I said.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” he said in his most sincere tone. “I’ll be sure to tell everyone tomorrow that you’re not really having a baby and that I was just making it up so they’d be happy.”

“Thank you,” I said, appeased.

As fast as gossip like that gets around (divorced mom of 4 kids who isn’t even in a relationship is now pregnant with her FIFTH child and no one knows who the father is…you can imagine the rest), I wouldn’t have been at all surprised to have my daughters come home from school and ask me why I didn’t tell them I’m having a baby.

Thank goodness the rumor appears to have been contained in the grade school with no spillover to the middle and high school.

For now.

Sigh.

Has your child ever told a tall tale about your family?