Parenting By Trial and Error » happy families

Giveaway: The Secrets of Happy Families, part dos

Sarah E. Ludwig — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 03:47:01 +0000

I did a giveaway of the book The Secrets of Happy Families by Scott Haltzman, M.D., in August and I’m happy to say I’m doing another one this week. Grab a cup of coffee, read the latest excerpt and leave a comment at the end for your chance to win a copy.

Happy Families…Bounce

Some say, sure, it’s easy to be a happy family when life is good. When money isn’t a problem, when the kids are little angels, when we’re all healthy, when the in-laws are loving and supportive, when partners are joyfully in love — boy, are we happy! But what about real people in real families with some real trouble? Can we be expected to be happy when times are tough?

Yes.

Bad things happen. Financial hardship, hospitalization, relocation, problems at school, even physical abuse — they happen all the time in all families. Some families fall apart under the strain; others take the hit, but bounce right back. Why is that? Why can some families, but not others, weather the tough times and remain strong, loving and happy? The key secret of the families who are able to bounce is found in one word: resiliency.

VOTING FOR RESILIENCY

Resiliency is a common term, usually associated with toughness or durability; for example, the balsam fir is a resilient tree, able to withstand harsh northern winters. In human psychology terms, it often refers to the capacity of an individual to recover quickly from a misfortune or trauma and maintain an established pattern of functioning. More simply, resiliency is the quality of families that can stretch and bounce back when confronted with challenges! Not only is this ability important, but, according to the individuals who completed the Happy Family Survey, it is the single more important factor in keeping a family together.

When asked what contributed most to a happy family, respondents were asked to rank the following six factors: (1) agreeing about money, (2) resiliency, (3) doing a lot of activities as a family, (4) having children grow up with both biological parents, (5) living within an hour’s distance from the children’s grandparents, and (6) attending religious services weekly.

Resiliency was given the number one vote more than any other factor. When I analyzed the data, I found an interesting phenomenon. This choice of resiliency as an important factor in a happy family didn’t waver according to the type of family: whether respondents were in a traditional nuclear, step, blended, single-parent, or gay or lesbian family, all recognized that if you have resiliency, then you have the necessary ingredient to have a happy family.

Unfortunately, having a family that can weather the slings and arrows of life’s outrageous fortune doesn’t come easy. That’s why its integral role in family dynamics is too often kept a secret.

Want your very own copy of The Secrets of Happy Families? Here’s how to enter for a chance to win:

TO ENTER:

♣ Leave a comment. That’s it! Limit one comment per person, per day.

WAYS TO GET BONUS ENTRIES:

♣ Subscribe to my blog via RSS or email, then leave a comment letting me know.

♣ Tweet this giveaway and leave a comment with the link. (You can do this daily.) Optional phrasing for your Tweet: I’m entered to win a copy of The Secrets of Happy Families from @MomofTwinsPlus2. Check it out: http://tinyurl.com/ykqrsx2.

♣ Post on your blog with a link about the giveaway and leave a comment with a link to your post.

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♣ Become a fan of Parenting By Trial and Error on Facebook and let me know.

Giveaway ends at 11:59 Central Standard Time, Wednesday, October 21, 2009. Open to residents of the U.S. and Canada only. The winner will be chosen using random.org. Winner will have 24 hours to respond to notification with shipping info. If no response, another winner will be chosen.

Good luck!

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Have you entered my Baking Kids Love giveaway? Check out the yummy recipe and leave a comment for your chance to win!

The Secrets of Happy Families

Sarah E. Ludwig — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:57:13 +0000

The following is an excerpt from a new book by Scott Haltzman, M.D., with Theresa Foy Digeronimo, entitled The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment. The two are also the authors of the highly successful The Secrets of Happily Married Men and The Secrets of Happily Married Women. Dr. Haltzman is clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and human behavior at Alpert Medical School of Brown University and editor of DrScott.com.

Read on to find out how to enter to win your own copy of The Secrets of Happy Families!

Earning Respect

It’s only natural that as individuals spend more time together, they will find things that irritate, annoy, or otherwise rub them the wrong way. That’s when the desire to act respectfully gets put to the test. Take this case as an example. One woman I see in my office had only recently recovered from a nearly deadly bout of pneumonia, so she promised her husband that she’d never smoke again. About a month after leaving the hospital, however, she began to go out during work breaks to sneak a puff or two on a cigarette with her friends. When her husband found out, he went ballistic! Did she still deserve respect after putting her life and the welfare of the family at risk again? It’s easy to see how he felt betrayed and how she probably felt belittled by his angry reaction.

Children, likewise, should be granted respect, but when a seventeen-year-old forgets to put gas in the family car, leaves the car stranded on the roadside when it inevitably runs dry and then takes off in a friend’s car to enjoy the rest of the night out, how are we able to demonstrate respect to this teen? When these conflicts arise, they threaten the foundation of a family — unless the underlying layer of respect can withstand the hit. And respect does not mean blanket acceptance of intolerable behavior. Respect doesn’t mean you have to like all aspects of any family member’s behavior. But respect does mean that you always treat all family members with dignity and seek a way to understand the world through their eyes.

So how should the husband of the woman who continued to smoke after he pneumonia express his anger and disappointment while still respecting his wife? How can parents let their teen know that irresponsible use of the family car is unacceptable, without showing disrespect for him as a human being? It’s not easy when the first thought that comes to mind sounds something like How can you be so stupid! But if the members of these families want to survive the argument and keep the core of the family strong, they’ll take a deep breath and remember to avoid the hostile responses found in the next Fair Fight Fact.

Want your very own copy of Secrets of Happy Families? Here’s how to enter for a chance to win one of these easy-to-read, engaging books: